It doesn’t take much time or effort to see that our culture is
pessimistic about marriage. A happy marriage seems more like a fairy
tale that Pollyanna dreamed up fifty years ago. Many of today’s wives
are complaining left and right about their husbands’ many shortcomings.
So why should a wife make her husband happy when he’s not making her
happy?
I like what host Bob Lepine of Family Life Today says, “Our role is not
to figure out how to fix our spouse. Our role is: How do we reflect
Christ in the marriage?” The game changes when we as wives make it our
aim to bring joy to the marriage for the glory of God. It’s no longer
about “What have you done for me lately?” it’s about “What have I done
for you lately?” Instead of being disappointed in what your husband
hasn’t done, you can experience great peace knowing that you are doing
him good and not evil all the days of his life (Proverbs 31:12).
Make sex a priority:
No big surprise here. Women understand intellectually that sexual
fulfillment is a top need of a man. But do your actions demonstrate that
you really get it? Maybe you’ve taken care of the kids, cooked a
delicious dinner, and even endured an action flick. Compared to the
other wives you know, you’re doing pretty well. Yet you may be
discounting his need for fulfilling sex. Most husbands would rather have
dishes in the sink and a wife waiting in the bedroom.
Make little sacrifices:
One guy tells the story: "I love LEGOs,
and have ever since I was a little kid. But I have way too many. My wife
and I have had discussion about selling or getting rid of some because
they take up most of my parents' basement and she hates clutter! She
went against her better judgment and bought me a really cool LEGO set
for Christmas, because she knew it would make me happy - and it did."
Another mentions that he his wife willingly goes out to shovel the
driveway with him, even though she didn't grow up having to do that kind
of work.
Newlywed husbands like when their wives are willing to give up a little
something for them. It shows them that the relationship is give-and-take
and their love is selfless.
Take care of him:
Somewhat stereotypically, the men told me they
love that their wives do the laundry, keep a clean house, make dinner,
and do the dishes. Two of them mentioned how sweet it is that their
wives make sure they have coffee in the morning, and another wrote, "She
always has leftovers packed and ready for me to take as lunch." My
husband loves when I give him back rubs or foot massages, or if I'm
willing to just run upstairs and get something he needs.
Newlywed husbands like to be cared for. You shouldn't baby him, act like
his mother, or let him walk all over you, but partnering with him to
keep a clean house and making the occasional effort to go out of your
way to do something nice for him will go a long way.
Do things he like:
Even if you don't like them. Two guys
specifically mentioned they love that their wives sit down and watch
football with them. One raved that his wife plays Xbox with him and is
willing to read his favorite books, while another told the story of how
his wife finally watched "Star Wars" with him. He commented, "I couldn't
tell if she liked it at first, but after it was over, she had a
sheepish look on her face and tried not to smile as she said softly,
'Can we watch the 2nd one now?'"
Let's face it - men and women don't generally like the same activities.
But your newlywed husband wants to spend time with you, and it means a
lot if you are willing to do or try things he likes - especially if it's
something you wouldn't normally choose to do on you own. Who knows?
Maybe, like "Star Wars," you'll end up liking it!
Make your home a haven:
The world can be a tough place. When
your husband walks in the door, he needs to breathe a sigh of relief.
He’s home. Think of how you greet your husband. Does he see the back of
your head as you type furiously on the computer or do you look him in
the eyes and say, “Honey I’m so glad you’re home”? Make your home a
place where your husband feels welcome.
Respect your man’s needs:
What need does your husband have that
perhaps you have discounted? It may be sex, quality time, the cookies
you used to bake him, or going to ball games together. Don’t get
defensive when your husband voices a need. Listen instead and then act
positively to meet that need the best you can.
Make his favorite dinner or dessert:
Food can truly nourish the
soul, and putting a lot of effort into a home-cooked meal can really
show someone how much you love them. Take the time to make your hubby's
favorite dish or dessert every once in a while. Make it a surprise to
add an extra element of romance.
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